


May I Offer You A Drink?

by a_single_plum



Category: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1377109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_single_plum/pseuds/a_single_plum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even a Jedi can be pushed too far...</p>
            </blockquote>





	May I Offer You A Drink?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this several years ago for a challenge at another site, and out of everything I've ever written, it remains one of my favorites. It was originally inspired by the line posted below from Matthew Stover's novelization of "Revenge of the Sith".
> 
> None of the characters or anything Star Wars-related belongs to me, I'm just playing! :) Hope you enjoy.

* * *

_"Senator," he said warmly. "So good to see you again. I apologize for the early hour, and yes, your protocol droid has been quite insistent on offering me refreshment."  
_

\- Obi-Wan Kenobi, _Revenge of the Sith_ novelization

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi set his speeder down on the private landing deck at Senator Padmé Amidala's apartment.

Instantly, a shiny gold protocol droid appeared.

"Good morning, sir," the droid said. "I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations."

"Good morning," Obi-Wan replied. "Would you tell the Senator Obi-Wan Kenobi is here to see her?"

"Certainly, Master Kenobi," the droid said. He hurried off to relay the message to his mistress.

Obi-Wan turned to gaze out over Coruscant, lost in thoughts about his former apprentice Anakin Skywalker, the Senator, and the current situation of the galaxy.

"Master Kenobi," the protocol droid's voice interrupted him. "May I offer you something to drink?"

"No, thank you," Obi-Wan said, giving the droid a polite smile.

"If you're not thirsty, perhaps you would care for something to eat?" Threepio asked. "Mistress Padmé has the most delightful assortment of fresh fruits, imported straight from Naboo, or-"

"Thank you for the offer, but I'm not hungry, either," Obi-Wan said firmly. "I don't want anything."

"Are you sure?" Threepio asked. "I would hate to be rude to a guest, and I'm sure Mis-"

"I'm positive," Obi-Wan said. "There is absolutely nothing you can do for me."

He went back to looking across the cityscape.

"Are you quite sure I can't get you any refreshment while you wait for Mistress Padmé?" Threepio asked.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Obi-Wan said, his tone taking on a sharp edge.

"Perhaps I can entertain you with a song, or a recitation?" Threepio persisted. "I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and-"

Obi-Wan had had enough. He was usually a model Jedi, able to release his feelings into the Force, but he'd been under a lot of stress lately, and he was quite certain this droid would drive even Master Yoda to annoyance.

Still, he was Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he remained relatively calm as he pulled out his lightsaber and proceeded to smack Threepio over the head with the handle until the droid collapsed with a large dent in his head-plating.

"Master Kenobi?" a soft voice called.

Obi-Wan turned to see Padmé standing in the entranceway, wearing a loose robe and looking surprised.

"Senator," Obi-Wan said, suddenly realizing what he'd done. Heat rushed to his cheeks. "I...forgive me. I don't know what came over me. I-"

Padmé's response shocked him. She ran across the room, flung herself into his arms, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you!" she said, stepping back and taking both of his hands in hers. "I've wanted to kill Threepio for so long, but...he was a gift from Anakin. I couldn't bring myself to do it."

Obi-Wan looked down at her smiling face. Slowly, he returned the smile.

"Glad to be of service, milady," he said.

Padmé gave him another joyous hug, and he returned her embrace. Just then, a shout rang out.

"What are you doing?" Anakin yelled.

Padmé and Obi-Wan quickly broke apart and looked over at the doorway. Anakin was standing there, glaring at both of them.

"Annie, it's not what it looks like," Padmé said.

"You know I would never-" Obi-Wan said at the same time.

Anakin's face twisted into a scowl, and suddenly he ignited his lightsaber.

"Anakin!" Padmé exclaimed.

"You betrayed me!" Anakin yelled. "Both of you! I hate you!"

"Anakin, calm down!" Obi-Wan said. "We can explain-"

Anakin lunged. Obi-Wan raised his own lightsaber just in time to block Anakin's attack. The two began to fight, Padmé looking on in horror as they destroyed her apartment.

"Stop this!" she shouted ineffectually. "You're breaking my stuff!"

Anakin and Obi-Wan continued to fight. Obi-Wan maneuvered behind Padmé's couch.

"This is the end for you!" Anakin snarled, preparing to jump over the back of the couch.

"Don't try it," Obi-Wan warned.

Anakin leapt, but his former Master's blade struck him in the side. But as he tumbled to the ground, his own blade caught Obi-Wan's chest. They fell next to each other.

"I hate both of you," Anakin gasped with his last breaths.

"Anakin!" Padmé screamed. Slowly, her gaze shifted from her dead husband to the Jedi Master lying beside him, to her ruined apartment. With one final, anguished gasp, she, too, collapsed.

With his remaining strength, Obi-Wan turned his head to look at Anakin's body.

"I'm sorry, old friend," he murmured. Then his eyes met Threepio's form, and the tiniest of smiles touched his lips. "But I'm _not_ sorry about _you_."

Then he died.

 

 


End file.
